Numbers don't lie

January 10th, 2014, 6:17 am

Average Rating: 4.00

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The government-issue cat food
is going to be better than ever
come February.

Author's Comments:

Reply TheCatMolloy, January 10th, 2014, 7:39 am

Ah the U.S. government - softest target for comedy EVER.

Checking today's weather reports, the cold weather seems to have eased off now and you're back to regular winter, but photos on Reddit over the last week have been pretty impressive. Holy crap for the people who had to sleep rough while that was going on, though.

Anyway, seeing as government often gets blamed and/or takes credit for circumstances well outside of human control, let's look at the darkest possible bright side to all this: fewer visible homeless! Death hath no sting if you're a big enough asshole. Good job, Neko.

[EDIT: For this strip, Cosmo the Quote Bunny busted out a famous Joseph Stalin quote - "The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic."]


Hopefully the numbers of people unable to find shelter has actually been lower than usual this winter and we'll see a bunch of 'warmth of human kindness' stories where people survived thanks to strangers opening their doors, but death is easier to make a bulletin out of than life, and news people have deadlines.

I'm actually not sure if good news is better 'News' than bad news. Is it more worthy to acknowledge the people who died or the people who didn't? More correct? Stories supporting the notion that we live in a shitty horrible world full of heartless bastards out to exploit us seem to be more widespread than stories about how altruism is part of human nature and we’re all in this together, but does that make them more true?

As usual, the correct balance between cynicism and naiveté remains elusive.

That means you can gamble on it.

Reply Advertisement, November 23rd, 2017, 7:45 pm

Reply TheCatMolloy, January 13th, 2014, 5:20 am

Paige actually found this one more offensive than funny. We had a conversation about it, and a lot of the points from it are covered in this Cracked article by Felix Clay. I'll do an excerpt which nicely sums up how that conversation ended:

"I don't want to get into the fundamentals of deriving comedy from tragedy, but it can be done. You need it sometimes, to help break the tension of something so morbid and awful that it'd make you cry otherwise. Part of the fun of those kinds of jokes is actually laughing at yourself for laughing at it. You know you shouldn't, but you do, and you get that wave of shame from it that inexplicably makes you laugh even more."

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-offensive-jokes-that-could-have-easily-been-fixed_p2/#ixzz2q H9ofW7t

Hey! Looks like copy/pasting from Cracked automatically integrates some code linking back to the article, making my previous intentional link formatting redundant. That's some nice coding, Cracked. Common courtesy to leave both links, I suppose.

User's Comments:

Reply Agen (Guest), January 10th, 2014, 10:22 am

^-Is Canadian..

Reply GabrielsThoughts, January 10th, 2014, 2:33 pm

No no no, you have it ass backwards, the politicians have no control over the whether you silly goose. Their real power lies in causing unnecessary traffic jams that make emergency medical care for the elderly an impossibility. But, I wouldn't expect a numbers man to know anything about systems thinking. After all, numbers is all linear post hoc ergo propter hoc thinking they pass off as proof by using silly things like algebra and calculus in order to make the populace fall victim to syllogisms.

Reply PaDiYaFLAME, January 10th, 2014, 3:29 pm

"Canadians are gloating" Yes, yes we are.
40 minutes? That's not too bad. It's when you have 20 minutes that's the problem.

Reply Linkziken, January 10th, 2014, 3:29 pm

I love the "New Game +" analogy. xD

Reply Arielle (Guest), January 11th, 2014, 10:29 pm

Looks like Neko gotten into that smoking habit again without catching on fire.

Reply Yep its so true (Guest), January 12th, 2014, 2:55 pm

This conversation actually happened at work on Wednesday. (American)

Reply VictorB, January 13th, 2014, 12:24 am

(Canadian eh?) die in 40 minutes? haha Agen and @PaDiYaFLAME can probably contest... We sure use our boots touques and mittens in that weather... to run out in our underwear and touch the fencepost on a dare!!! Nothing to it.

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